Everyone seems to have an opinion on how to live your best life. Instead of going with the flow, we decided to come up with our own list of things that will guarantee a life full of nothing but misery.

Start your day by being cranky

Always wake up on the wrong side of bed before reaching out for the nearest bottle of alcohol and pack of cigarettes. Because a proper breakfast just takes too much effort.

Ignore your health

Eating healthy is a myth. And what's the point of exercising when all it really does is make you feel sweaty and tired?

Ignore the environment

Environmental problems are everyone else's problem! You're not getting paid, so why should it be your job to care about the welfare of other sentient beings?

Ignore other people

Who needs to develop real relationships when you have smartphones now! Text while walking, text while pooping, text while talking to friends, text while watching a movie, text while eating, etc.

Blame all your problems on everyone else

It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and everyone is too busy scrambling to stay on top instead of being responsible for their own life choices.

Take out all your frustrations on other people

If you can't be happy, than nobody else gets to be happy. So always take yourself super-seriously and remind others of their place in the universe that is your life.

Focus only on things like money, sex, nice possessions and perfection

Everyone knows that the real secret to short-term happiness is by acquiring superficial things.

Be close-minded

Why would anyone be interested in exposing themselves to different points of view when the only truth that matters is one where you're always right and everyone else is wrong.

Skimp on sleep

Sleep is for the weak and old people. Remember to bring all your gadgets to bed since they are way more entertaining than being well-rested the next day.