Any festive season is a good enough excuse for family to gather together. But sometimes, that also means the nosy aunties and uncles 2nd, 3rd, 4th removed from your nuclear family will have the opportunity to gather family-gossip by way of giving you the Spanish inquisition. That's right. 101 questions you are so sick of getting. Here's how to survive their questions:

Tip: Illustrate your face with Emma Watson's reactions.

1. "When are you getting married?"

This is the most common question any single person will get asked. The reason for that may be benign, but it could also be gossip-material since talking about how no one wants to marry you yet can be a topic that spans your love-life history.

How to answer:
Be coy, keep them guessing and act all shy about it without giving them any details.

Suggested answer:
"As soon as possible, hopefully, maybe this or next year, or next?"

Then smile.

2. "When are you going to have babies?"

If you're married with no kids just yet, this sensitive and annoying question will be put out by not just one but many other nosy relatives. As much as we hate getting that question, it'd be rude to not answer, even though it is ruder to ask in the first place.

How to answer:
Keep it short, and then change the subject.

Suggested answer:
"When the time is right, we'll definitely be blessed with it."

How this would work:
It would just shut people up. To avoid uncomfortable silences, change the subject.

3. "What do you do for a living?"

Every gossipy relative loves this question because they're gathering intel they can use to compare if their lives or if their children's lives are better than yours.

How to answer:
Give a sophisticated twang to it. Like how most people don't really know what a Black Russian is. They just know it's got a lot going on there.

Suggested answer:
This one is tricky because everyone has a different job and some are hard to explain if they aren't the usual banker, accountant, engineer. Here are a few:

If you're a network specialist:
"I oversee the performance of distribution and networks and assure my company makes millions."

If you're a media planner:
"I ensure that the economy is up and running by creating strategies and plans that help make the GDP increase."

If you're a photographer:
"I create memories that capture the essence of a moment, stopping time."

How to end the questions if a followup question is asked:

"It's complicated, you wouldn't understand." 

4. "Do you have a boyfriend / girlfriend?"

Your love life is a very hot topic at family gatherings. Just know that everyone's life is kinda boring, and they need some juicy details to get-it-on, so don't be offended by this common question.

How to answer:
Be straight up with this. Because being coy or beating around the bush will only lead to speculation and more gossip. ie. "She's got so many suitors? She'd better quickly choose one before they all run away."

Suggested answer:
"Yes" or "No"

Either way, this is going to end up gossipy.

5. "How much does your job pay you?"

The purpose of this question is to benchmark what's good and to see how well you're actually living. It's also for them to follow up with a straight-up brag of how well their kids are doing.

How to answer:
Inflate it. Let them come in their pants with the thought of your job and decisions being better than most.

Suggested answer:
"Well, let's just put it this way. If I get depressed for whatever reason, all I have to do is just check my bank balance."

Leave them with their jaws dropped.

6. "So old and still receiving ang pow?"

Unfortunately, not everyone finds love fast and quick, but there's actually a non-said age limit one should impose on themselves to receive money from others. If you're a kid aged 0-25, yes, but if you're above, they expect you to be married with children already, just like how they were when they were young. Be prepared for judgy eyes and sideline gossip.

How to answer:
No matter your answer, you'll still be the subject of: "Poor guy, until now no one wants to marry him..." So, just go with this suggested answer:

Suggested answer:
"Haha, hopefully the last year."

And hopefully for you, it'll be your last year too.

7. "When are you going to buy a house?"

Like the question of your job and how much you earn, you might just get this question. It's annoying, since the prices of homes isn't what it used to be when these people were younger back then. Prices are going up, astronomically high! The take from this: plan your finances well, because this question may actually be good for yourself to answer.

How to answer:
You don't have to give this away. Some people have many properties under their name but remain incognito about it. Just try this:

Suggested answer:
"Still looking."

Repeat the suggested answer over and over again until you wear them down. And then, actually start looking yourself.

8. "Did you gain some weight?"

Sometimes, a bitchy smile is appropriate.

Aside from your love life and financial well being, your weight is also the topic of gossip. Which is probably only asked by people who have nothing much to say.

How to answer:
Give a shocked answer, and then ask them the same question.

Suggested answer:
"Gosh really, omg, you too, right?"

Notice how fast the subject changes after that.

9. "What are you wearing?"

Yup, still trendier than you.

When I was young, I was very impressionable. I would easily be influenced by fashion trends. Now that I'm older, I tend to only stick to the kind of fashion choice that suits me. But this question isn't so much of a question, rather a shocked-statement of disbelief. They just can't believe you're wearing THAT.

How to answer:
Make them feel old and out of trend and remind them of how uncool they are.

Suggested answer:
"I keep up with the trends. You are so vintage (1980s) btw. I love that about you."


These are perhaps the most common questions you'll get. Let's hope we didn't miss any out! And oh, good luck with the relatives. Happy Chinese New Year!