Whether you’re newly single or have been hunting for “the one” for a while now, the modern dating scene can be a real drag. From trawling through dating apps to having to experience such new phenomena as ghosting and being asked to send nude pictures to people you’ve never even met, the modern world of dating can sometimes feel less like a chance to find love and more like something to survive. 

If you’ve been on a spate of unsuccessful dates, you may have started to wonder why you even bother to keep trying. Having to go through the strange courting process of our modern hunt for love over and over can start to feel like a full-time job. 

 

To help keep your spirits up while you go through the motions, here are our 9 tips to surviving the modern dating scene as a single woman in 2019.

If you go into every date like this could be the love of your life, you’ll end up feeling tense and panicky and maybe inadvertently putting way too much pressure on yourself—and on your date. This will also stop you short of asking what wedding venues they like.

 

A first date is solely to figure out if you’re compatible and if you find them attractive. See if you have similar senses of humor if your conversation flows, and you find yourselves tripping over each other to ask questions. This is also when you can gauge if they fibbed on their profile (assuming you met on a dating app), or if you find they boast too much, or have opinions you can’t abide.

 

The first date is really just the “feeling out” stage. If you like them, book another date and share a kiss. If not, thank them and clearly tell them in a polite text or at the end of the date that you weren’t feeling it—no ghosting!

While we’ve always been able to see other potential mates, dating apps give us an unfortunate view of our “competition” in an up-close and personal state. Suddenly, there are all the other people that our potential partners could be swiping ‘yes’ to in black and white…or Snapchat filter. While it may be hard to do it, understand that not all those people are really your competition, and you have your own unique beauty, value, and charm. Jealousy is one of the reasons why men pull away and jealousy is often triggered by low self-esteem. If you find yourself becoming jealous, consider what it is you’re jealous of and work on seeing yourself as an equal prize as any other potential right swipe.

In this modern world, Google is as good as our new matchmaker. Before going on a date with a potential partner, don’t be shy to run their name through a search engine and see what comes up. You’d be amazed at the kind of information people put about themselves online. You’ll be able to quickly surmise if they have kids, where they work, and even maybe their political views.  And don’t worry about feeling like a snoop—they’re most likely doing the same to you!

 

This isn’t the 1950s anymore, so why do people still insist on following the same rules when it comes to dating? If you meet a guy you like and you want to text him the next day, then do it! You don’t need to wait for him, and you don’t need to wait a specific amount of time before responding to a text. Also, if you’re not interested and you feel certain of that after the first date, don’t feel like you need to give someone a second date. Be polite, but firm, and tell them you’re just not interested. You have every right to do that and not waste your time!

 

After a dozen disappointing dates, it might be hard to keep your chin up when you’re going on yet another first date. While feeling a little down about the whole dating scene is normal, the risk is that you start going to dates with a sour disposition, suddenly unwilling to open up and give this new person the benefit of the doubt. Even worse, you may start to regale this person with stories of all the terrible dates you had, or begin to have an “all men are bad” mentality. Not only is this an unhealthy mindset for you, it’s also not going to attract any good partners.

If you find yourself starting to think this way or have caught yourself talking this way on dates, consider taking a break from the dating scene and assessing what’s causing you to feel this way and if you’re truly ready to meet someone.

It’s hard to be rejected. No matter if you were interested in that person or not, hearing “I’m just not that into you” can be a real blow to the self-esteem. It can be easy to start to question whether we are worthy of love, or what we are doing to scare people away. It’s important to remember that sometimes people just don’t click. That doesn’t mean that you are unworthy of love, just that you haven’t met the right person for you yet.

Let’s say you meet someone and you have a great first date, maybe even three great dates. Don’t get too excited and start involving your friends and family and telling them all about your new love interest. Not only will it feel gutting if it doesn’t work out, but it will also make them feel like you’re jumping the gun.

When we’ve reached a certain age, we know what we want from our love life and what we want from our own lives. Don’t be afraid to express that early on. If you want to marry or you want to have kids, these are conversations you need to have at an earlier stage in dating as you reach your late twenties and thirties (and beyond). 

If you are ever in a dating situation and you feel uncomfortable or frightened by your date, don’t feel obligated to stay or be polite. Your safety is the most important thing and you need to trust your gut.