How to Scare Your Roomate
2013.12.06
1. Make brown-bag lunches for your roommate every morning. Give them to him/her before he/she goes to class.
2. Every time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far, and fall over backwards. Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes. Then, one day, repeat the falling-over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say, "It's not funny anymore."
3. Read with a flashlight when the lights are on. Pretend to read without one when the lights are out, remarking every so often how great the book is.
4. Get a surfboard, put it on your bed, stand on it, and pretend to surf for about fifteen minutes. Then, pretend to "wipe out" and fall off the bed onto the floor. Pretend you are drowning until your roommate comes over to "rescue" you.
5. Keep a hamster as a pet. Buy a blender, and make milkshakes every day. Then, one day, get rid of the hamster. Make a shake using a lot of ketchup. When your roommate comes in, look at the shake, look at the empty cage, and tell your roommate, "I was curious."
6. Make toast for breakfast every morning, but don't plug the toaster in. Eat the plain bread, looking at the toaster angrily, and complain that the toaster doesn't know what it's doing. If your roommate suggests plugging it in, go on a tangent about fire-safety hazards.
7. Pack up all of your things and tell your roommate that you're going away to "find yourself." Leave, and come back in about ten minutes. If your roommate asks, explain that you're not a hard man to find.
8. Never speak to your roommate directly. If you need to ask or tell him/her something, go to another room and call him/her on the phone.
9. Every night, before you go to bed, beg your roommate for a glass of water. When he/she brings it, dump it on the floor and immediately go to sleep. If he/she ever refuses to bring you a glass of water, lie on the bed, and pretend to be dying of dehydration, making annoying gagging sounds, until he/she does so.
10. Every time the phone rings, turn on the stereo at full volume and begin to violently slam-dance with your roommate. If he/she asks about it, say, "Oh, that damn hypnotist...."
11. Hang a picture of your roommate on the wall. Throw darts at it. Smile at your roommate often, saying things like, "How nice to see you again."
12. Get a can of beans. Label them, "Jumping beans." Eat them, and then jump around the room. Get another can of beans. Label them, "Dancing beans." Eat them, and then dance around the room. Get another can of beans. Label them, "Kill Your Roommate beans." Eat them, smiling at your roommate.
13. Every time your roommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, and then wake him/her up and say, "It's time to go to bed now. "
14. Insist that your roommate recite the "Pledge Of Allegiance" with you every morning.
15. Recite "Dr. Seuss" books, all the time. Eventually, think up melodies for the words and sing them, loudly, directly to your roommate. If he/she tells you to stop, act offended, and spend the day in bed.
16. Put up traffic signs around the room. If your roommate doesn't obey them, give him/her tickets. Confiscate something your roommate owns until he/she pays the tickets. - See more at: http://fooyoh.com/7633013#sthash.VKaJE7WB.dpuf
2. Every time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far, and fall over backwards. Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes. Then, one day, repeat the falling-over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say, "It's not funny anymore."
3. Read with a flashlight when the lights are on. Pretend to read without one when the lights are out, remarking every so often how great the book is.
4. Get a surfboard, put it on your bed, stand on it, and pretend to surf for about fifteen minutes. Then, pretend to "wipe out" and fall off the bed onto the floor. Pretend you are drowning until your roommate comes over to "rescue" you.
5. Keep a hamster as a pet. Buy a blender, and make milkshakes every day. Then, one day, get rid of the hamster. Make a shake using a lot of ketchup. When your roommate comes in, look at the shake, look at the empty cage, and tell your roommate, "I was curious."
6. Make toast for breakfast every morning, but don't plug the toaster in. Eat the plain bread, looking at the toaster angrily, and complain that the toaster doesn't know what it's doing. If your roommate suggests plugging it in, go on a tangent about fire-safety hazards.
7. Pack up all of your things and tell your roommate that you're going away to "find yourself." Leave, and come back in about ten minutes. If your roommate asks, explain that you're not a hard man to find.
8. Never speak to your roommate directly. If you need to ask or tell him/her something, go to another room and call him/her on the phone.
9. Every night, before you go to bed, beg your roommate for a glass of water. When he/she brings it, dump it on the floor and immediately go to sleep. If he/she ever refuses to bring you a glass of water, lie on the bed, and pretend to be dying of dehydration, making annoying gagging sounds, until he/she does so.
10. Every time the phone rings, turn on the stereo at full volume and begin to violently slam-dance with your roommate. If he/she asks about it, say, "Oh, that damn hypnotist...."
11. Hang a picture of your roommate on the wall. Throw darts at it. Smile at your roommate often, saying things like, "How nice to see you again."
12. Get a can of beans. Label them, "Jumping beans." Eat them, and then jump around the room. Get another can of beans. Label them, "Dancing beans." Eat them, and then dance around the room. Get another can of beans. Label them, "Kill Your Roommate beans." Eat them, smiling at your roommate.
13. Every time your roommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, and then wake him/her up and say, "It's time to go to bed now. "
14. Insist that your roommate recite the "Pledge Of Allegiance" with you every morning.
15. Recite "Dr. Seuss" books, all the time. Eventually, think up melodies for the words and sing them, loudly, directly to your roommate. If he/she tells you to stop, act offended, and spend the day in bed.
16. Put up traffic signs around the room. If your roommate doesn't obey them, give him/her tickets. Confiscate something your roommate owns until he/she pays the tickets. - See more at: http://fooyoh.com/7633013#sthash.VKaJE7WB.dpuf
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