To address the physical signs of anger (e.g. elevated heart rate, muscle tension, shortness of breath, etc.) it is often helpful to engage in what I like to call “intentional relaxation techniques.” One example is to focus one’s attention on your hands and to clench them using about 75% of your strength for 5 to 10 seconds at a time while counting. Then you take a deep breath and then repeat for about a minute or two until you feel the physical signs of anger start to subside.

You can also engage in deep, slow, and controlled breaths while focusing your attention on something in the environment (e.g. a spot on the wall/floor, something on your desk, etc.). A third way would be to engage in exercise (assuming you’re able to) or to engage in a distracting activity (e.g. going for a drive while blasting non-angry music or engaging in a hobby of yours. As always, all physical activities should only be used if a person is healthy enough to do so and only if a physician says that the person is healthy enough to do them.

Engage yourself in an engrossing activity (e.g. playing a game on your phone, making a cup of tea/coffee, etc.) so that your mind can focus on neutral tasks. Journaling is another strategy. In other words, write out your thoughts and feelings while making sure not to ruminate on the source of anger. I find it helps clients to write about this and describe why they should calm down. Even a detailed entry about something relaxing (e.g. a happy memory) can help.

Channeling anger is a helpful way to coping with it. It helps when the activity that needs to get done is physical (i.e. requiring you to use your hands or body) since anger tends to speed us up. It’s important not to do anything that requires too much thought since our minds are likely going to be clouded by the anger and we will not be able to make sound choices. If the source of the anger is performance related, one can use it to fuel their desire to perform better rather than focusing on mistakes or the actions of others. Building on the notion of focusing on improved performance, one can allow their anger to fuel some solution-focused brainstorming. Telling yourself that acting on your anger is counterproductive and then trying to identify some possible solutions to your problem is a great way to take the mental energy that would be expended on being angry and putting it to good use.

This requires a great deal of self-awareness and self-control. In situations where you’re trying to resolve an issue while angry, you should first do a “personal status check” to see how your body is responding to the anger. Are you getting hot? Are you clenching your teeth? These are all outward signs of anger that we can have some control over. Slowing down your rate of speech while artificially lowering your voice is a common technique used in crisis management. It not only has the effect of slowing down your anger response, it can also have the wonderful side effect of having the other person lower their voices since that is the only way that they can hear you.

It is then a good idea to follow it up by acknowledging that you don’t want to get angrier and that you want to slow the pace of the conversation so that you can focus on the subject at hand and by recognizing how the other person feels without judging them. For example: “When you say that you don’t care about chocolate pudding, it upsets me. I don’t want to get to upset and I’m not taking anything away from your feelings toward chocolate pudding. Just know that I want to focus on processing why you dislike it so much.”

Put physical distance between you and other person. It’s likely that you’re about to be emotionally hijacked by your anger and that words will not be enough to deter any ill-advised behaviors on your part.

Appeal to friends or family that are nearby so that they can “run interference” for you. Tell them that you’re about to flip out and need their help to calm down. Tell them not to become embroiled in the conflict but to try to talk you down as best as they can.

Tell the person to back off and then remain quiet. If at all possible, shift your attention to something else and don’t stew in angry thoughts. Do not look at the person or entertain any comments they might make. It’s more foolish to have a pair of handcuffs slapped on you than to look like you’re afraid of a fight. When appropriate, you can always approach the argument with a level head later.

Know that volatile situations usually end up being about having the fight instead of being about what led up to them. If reaching the “point of no return” is imminent, then you must flee the situation because you will probably not be able to control your actions from that point forward.